habits coach

Attention Cleanse

Last week I participated in a workshop all about my attention and what I do with it. In the first couple of days I had a good idea that what I always talk about doing, I in fact was not practicing anywhere near as I thought I was.

It’s such a simple concept. What we think about is what what we create, we become, and where we spend our most precious time. There are numerous examples of how people who became famous, or professional athletes, or did something quite profound first envisioned it, then kept envisioning it until it became reality.  It is what held the attention of these people.

Where Is Attention Rooted?

The photo above was taken while I was actively doing my attention detox, a brilliant course lived and implemented by Gwen Bell.

These people have come to Hawaii on vacation.  On holiday from regular life. A time designated to rejuvenate, to enjoy, to indulge in pleasure. And yet, check out the people in the photo. Their chairs are facing away from the ocean. These women had their phones in their hand either texting, web surfing, or talking almost the entire time. They were connected quite strongly to the very things most of which were sounding quite negative going on back at home.

Their attention was not on enjoyment, pleasure, taking it all in. Their attention was not soaking up rest and peace and harmony here for them to fully have right there in the moment. Instead the attention let them continue to live the very problems they had come to take a break from, while sitting on a beautiful beach in Hawaii.

Attention Cleanse

Again, this sounds so simple, yet when I tried it the complications became apparent. When I say complications, I mean not only was there excuses about why I couldn’t check in every half hour, but there were complications in what I wanted to write down because I realized what I thought I was thinking about was completely different than what I actually had going around in my head on many occasions.

I found out that the reflection of dislike is going on for real in me and I didn’t like it. So it was hard to keep going for 7 solid days checking in about where my attention was every half of the day. What was even harder was then attaching two words to describe where my attention was.

What I was feeling.

And what I was needing.

That was the hard part, but indeed it was the part that made me admit that doubt and anger are where I spend more attention than I ever thought I did. And when I switch that attention to all the great things I already have and all the great things I want to do, my whole attitude changes.

I have been spending more of my attention than I thought just like those in the photo. Attaching my attention to something that I make come alive right before me, even though what I have right in front of me is beautiful and full of all the opportunity in the world to live a creative, happy, pleasurable life, I’ve been missing way more of it than I should with fears and anger from the past.

I’m changing that by continuing this practice as a habit, only I check in 4 times a day.  This week has been much different already.

Try the Attention Cleanse

Habits come by practicing often. Habits also come by going at them in smaller pieces than achieving your hopeful end result in just a few days or weeks, which is sure RX for failure. Therefore what I’m going to suggest you do is a smaller chunk to do than what I jumped into every 30 minutes of the day. Taking the time to write where my attention was that often did in fact need support from someone who was checking in to remind me as well as make some valid observations.  She does what I do and I find if the teacher doesn’t practice herself, life changing coaching for others isn’t possible.

In that light take this exercise in a smaller chunk and sit down after dinner or before you go to bed for 7 days in a row and write down where you remember you attention being focused throughout the day. What were you feeling and what were you needing around where you find your attention to be?

Like I said it’s not as easy as it sounds. I am here if you need help with this new habit.

Mahalo for reading.  If you liked it please subscribe to Big Island Dog and follow me on Twitter, & G+ and please leave a few of your thoughts in the comments.

Jt Clough lives on the Big Island, Hawaii, and practices health, happiness and natural remedies, while working as a Habits Coach for people looking to live healthier and happier lives.  She is a dog whisperer for our best friends; and studies natural dog remedies, nutrition and communication.  Her latest e-book is 5K Training Guide | Running with Dogs.

 

The Sand Castle

Building a Sand Castle Fulfill Your Need to Play

Hawaii brings visions of beaches, ocean, tropical flowers, fresh fruit and island music to the senses. It is one of those places that brings out the best in noticing the wonderful outdoors.

Playing more is part of losing stress, concern, anger, untoward feelings towards life in general. How better to play like a kid then to build a sand castle?

Fulfilling Feelings and Needs

This week if you live anywhere near a beach whether it is cold or warm go build a sand castle. Write a word about how it made you FEEL. Was it inspiring, engaging, calming, vibrant, engrossed or some other feeling?

What need do you get fulfilled by building a sand castle? You could feel present, stimulated, warmth, discovered, or participation. Any need that you have is a good one to acknowledge. Sometimes it takes playing to reconnect with what our personal needs are. Write a word about what you NEED and how building a sand castle fulfilled it.

How to Build a Sand Castle

If you haven’t built a sand castle in a while, or perhaps you have never build a sand castle here are some resources to give you sand castle tips, tricks and ideas. Don’t try to get too technical on your first one. The point is to enjoy the moment. You don’t need to be perfect. You need to play.

 Sand Creatures and Castles:  How To Build Them

If you don’t happen to live by some sand think of another kid thing you could do.  Go do it.  Then write a word about how you are FEELING and what you are NEEDING after you do it.

I’m doing it this week on a beach where my dogs can go.  My dog in training gets to go play too… that’s what we call training here in Hawaii.  Play!

Mahalo for reading.  If you liked it please subscribe to Big Island Dog and follow me on Pinterest, Twitter, & G+
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Jt Clough lives on the Big Island, Hawaii, and practices health, happiness and natural remedies, while working as a Habits Coach for people looking to live healthier and happier lives.  She is a dog whisperer for our best friends; and studies natural dog remedies, nutrition and communication.  Her latest e-book is 5K Training Guide | Running with Dogs.

The Reflection of Dislike

Have you ever heard that the qualities that bother you the most in others are actually those that you don’t like about yourself? How about this one; your dog’s behavior reflects your own?

Both of those statements are kind of hard to take and usually get the brush off real quick, especially when the behavior isn’t that cool and you immediately feel a sense of dislike. In fact many times we find ourselves shaking our head and calling someone silently an idiot, sometimes we don’t hold the silence and say it out loud as an automatic reaction.

When it comes to the dog, anxiety or fear aggression of course have nothing to do with you. Nothing. At all.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.” -Carl Jung

Yes, most of the time, behavior that really disturbs us is in fact a reflection of our own behavior. It is a reflection of the things we cannot stand about ourselves, or things that we have never even admitted out loud to ourselves.

For years I have scene the reflection of dogs and their owners and the behavior that is driving the owner crazy. The frustration comes when owners try to change the behavior of the dog without realizing that there is an underlying reason the behavior keeps appearing. It usually is about themselves. It’s usually about a habit.

The other side of that story is people get great success with new behavior in their dog when they realize that a habit needs attention and the that without doing the work, the habit is going to stay the same.

The Note Card Game Naming Idiot Behavior in People and/or Dogs

Recently I’ve started playing a game that has helped me realize so many things about myself. It has started a wonderful healing process and it has helped me react in a whole new way, a much less judgmental way.

I’ve been acutely aware of the reflection owners and dogs have had for years. It is why my job is so easy when it comes to training dogs. The realization that the reflections are really about connections to people, our pets, our things, the picture we hold of ourselves in our minds’ eye.  It has come clear through the work I have done with all of those dogs and their owners.

You may have read this so far and laughed a little to yourself but still are holding on to the fact that you are just simply not a reflection of your loud mouthed co-worker, or sister, or husband, wife, best friend, or ex BFF. The dog’s behavior has nothing to do with your personality, after all the dog is a rescue and came this way. (more on how we attract our friends and dogs in another story)….

Play this game for the next week and see what you learn.

1. Whenever you have a negative thought about someone, even your dog write it on a note card. You may need to put it as a note on your phone app since frequently this happens while out and about. List the person’s (dog’s) name and short description.

Spend some time every day when you have a chance to sit down and think about the incident and list all the things that make that person or dog seem like an idiot, or at least you don’t think is cool to be that way, or in fact is incredibly irritating.

2. Reflect all of the qualities you listed back onto yourself. It is amazing how many of the qualities you write about someone else you actually have yourself. I play the game and quite frankly it blows me away. Things I find awful in someone else I have either played out in my mind, in front of someone else or most certainly in front of my dog.

3. Forgive. Healing does start with forgiving. Once you start playing this game regularly it’s much easier to forgive the person or dog about the way they are. Take the energy you would have used being irritated and put it to work on your own reaction. Honestly how we react even in our own head is what kind of person we are.

*note this is also how we can begin new habits with the dog since their language is different than ours it becomes about pictures and what habits we form become the picture of what they should be doing, taking the attention away from what they shouldn’t be doing. ** another note, the same thing works astoundingly well with people.

The Note Card game is my own version. One of my new blogger friends Tim McAuley wrote his version of this game in one of his articles: Huge mahalo Tim for adding more thoughts to my ever increasing awareness. Tim has written an awesome book all about reflection call It’s All About Me I highly recommend as well. Check out Tim’s website and read his amazing insights.

It is a disturbing to think about when it comes right down to it. That person that really bothers you, you are in fact like. Really? Play the game and find out for yourself. I’ve come to a recent conclusion. We are all in fact connected.

I’m trying to use my connection to reflect as many good things, behaviors, reactions as possible in a day. How about you, where is your attention? Your connection? And are there a lot of “idiots” around you?

Jt Clough lives on the Big Island, Hawaii, and practices health, happiness and natural remedies, while working as a Habits Coach for people looking to live healthier and happier lives.  She is a dog whisperer for our best friends; and studies natural dog remedies, nutrition and communication.  Her latest e-book is How to Swim through Your Fears and Come Out a Champion.